I have been cribbing and crying over the past three months to my friends and family on my sorry state of affairs truth is I could not handle them. I could take the responsibility to the decisions I make and i am looking for ways out to make it somebody else s fault. Or I am consistently trying to make decisions with approval.
I have to reset. I have got to take some risks and live with them.
My gf says make mistakes and be open to making mistakes. I cannot wail forever in filth I need to push ahead and move forward. I have this habit of cribbing and about second guessing myself. I gotta stop and reset.
I was recently married to this guy - Nivash - dunno what I was thinking when I did it, I dont care anymore. Past is in the past, if I was fooled into marrying someone I cant understand anymore, it was still my move. Tough luck.
I have to grow the balls to either end it or work on it. I am tired of the mind games and I am tired of everything else.
I am planning to write the rest of my trials and tribulations here, hoping that reading them over at some point of time collectively would drive some sense into me.
The issue of the day is how the siblings connive to make me do a seemingly silly thing as call their mom to massage her ego. Granted the old lady is doing things outs of insecurity and childishness, my mind advocates me to be done with it by doing it, but then it tells me that forever my life would be an engineering manual.
Push buttons a23, r45, e34 wait for 10 second the husband material will whirr to life then push buttons f34, d34,e35 and wait for action. Warning: if no action do not reattempt.
I am sorry my life was not designed to be dilly dallying around lame things I could not care about. I have had few things learnt about life, one of them is that if you love someone go across the oceans to make them happy. Also if the person throwing a comment your way means nothing to you, duck / roll / swipe away and move on with your life.
I have had enuf of this BS. It is time to live with myself in dignity. This is definitely not the last straw, I have been approaching this conclusion for long time.
I cannot keep doing this to myself, I cannot forever have multiple situations line up in my head after each act that is not inline with practice or expectation.
I cannot sabotage my career by thinking and rethinking over crap like this over work and what not. I need peace, I may overstress and I may over think but thats what I am and so Far I have had it pretty freaking in control. Maybe I needed to just sit aside and learn for myself what I needed.
I needed time to understand me and love myself all over again. I needed to be alone.
I have to reset. I have got to take some risks and live with them.
My gf says make mistakes and be open to making mistakes. I cannot wail forever in filth I need to push ahead and move forward. I have this habit of cribbing and about second guessing myself. I gotta stop and reset.
I was recently married to this guy - Nivash - dunno what I was thinking when I did it, I dont care anymore. Past is in the past, if I was fooled into marrying someone I cant understand anymore, it was still my move. Tough luck.
I have to grow the balls to either end it or work on it. I am tired of the mind games and I am tired of everything else.
I am planning to write the rest of my trials and tribulations here, hoping that reading them over at some point of time collectively would drive some sense into me.
The issue of the day is how the siblings connive to make me do a seemingly silly thing as call their mom to massage her ego. Granted the old lady is doing things outs of insecurity and childishness, my mind advocates me to be done with it by doing it, but then it tells me that forever my life would be an engineering manual.
Push buttons a23, r45, e34 wait for 10 second the husband material will whirr to life then push buttons f34, d34,e35 and wait for action. Warning: if no action do not reattempt.
I am sorry my life was not designed to be dilly dallying around lame things I could not care about. I have had few things learnt about life, one of them is that if you love someone go across the oceans to make them happy. Also if the person throwing a comment your way means nothing to you, duck / roll / swipe away and move on with your life.
I have had enuf of this BS. It is time to live with myself in dignity. This is definitely not the last straw, I have been approaching this conclusion for long time.
I cannot keep doing this to myself, I cannot forever have multiple situations line up in my head after each act that is not inline with practice or expectation.
I cannot sabotage my career by thinking and rethinking over crap like this over work and what not. I need peace, I may overstress and I may over think but thats what I am and so Far I have had it pretty freaking in control. Maybe I needed to just sit aside and learn for myself what I needed.
I needed time to understand me and love myself all over again. I needed to be alone.
